Metro Man

Metro Man's the latest sort
   those liberal girls adore
He's very smart
   and keeps things clean
   he loves to shop and more.
He never sweats or stinks or sounds,
   the way that most men do,
He's rare indeed the girls will say,
   they've only known a few.

Not a builder,
   poet or adventurer he,
   Metro Man conforms,
He feels to bother with such deeds,
   would simply be bad form.
Insurance, accounting,
   marketing and sales,
   clerking and customer service,
These are the trades
   of the Metro Man,
   who needs a life of purpose.

Don't count on him to fix the sink,
   he'd rather hire a plumber,
Ask him for a channel-lock,
   you'll see the dumb get dumber.
He's a master at most video games,
   your computer he could wire,
But pray you never get a flat,
   'cause he's never changed a tire.

Yes Metro Man's the latest sort,
   those liberal girls adore,
A worthless, manicured,
   shell of a man,
   he's your modern urban bore.

jeyler 2006